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The truth was, I really was afraid I’d been friends with Nell Hawthorne since third grade, and I’d had a crush on her nearly that long Frankie had been dead right when he’d said everyone knew except Nell herself and Kyle And Kyle nore it; I wasn’t honestly sure

When you’ve spent nearly ten years crushing on so her out on a date is terrifying I also knew if I didn’t take the bet, I’d be the laughingstock of the entire football tea pressured into it, but I also knew I’d probably never do it otherwise “You’ll all owe me a bill by practice tomorrow”

Frankie and Malcolm both shookin the bet

I went through practice on autopilot, running the plays and catching the ball without really thinking about it My brain was running aout what I’d say and freaking about getting it wrong

By the tiot to school the next day, I was a nervous wreck It didn’t help that Dad had gotten home from work early and worked h today with the bruises clouding h, he said It was for h; it did h

No tackle would ever hurt as much as his fists

I had fourth-period western civ and fifth-period US govern my move between classes I’d walk her to her locker and ask her as we exchanged books I stood outside Mrs Hasting’s first-floor classroo for Nell to show up for fifth period I had to bite on my cheek to hide the wince when Malcol his brawny shoulder straight into a bruise I shrugged hih as restled until Happy Harry the Hippy Hall Monitor strolled past, calling out a cheerful “Knock it off, you crazy ruffians”

Happy Harry was everybody’s friend He looked like John Lennon, with long shaggy brown hair, a scruffy beard, and round glasses He’d smoked way too much pot in the sixties and hadn’t ever really left that decade, mentally He was Principal Bowman’s brother, and was perpetually placid, nice to everyone al He never had to ask anyone anything twice, since even the onna do it after class, right?” Malcol a triple-folded hundred-dollar bill between his index and ers

I reached for the bill, but he danced out of the way “Yeah, I a out by the our lockers between fourth and fifth period”

I rubbed rapefruit shadowed my ribs and around to my back, the same spot where Malcolm had hit me with his tackle

Kyle’s voice caain?”

Kyle was the only person other than my mom who knew Dad beat h Telling wouldn’t do any good, since Dad was the captain of our town’s police force He’d bury any reports, intiet in his way It had happened before I’d rade that the bruise on one to a social worker The gym teacher had been transferred to a different district within a week, and the social worker had been fired

I’d missed a week of school, out “sick” In reality, I’d been in too et out of bed The bruises on my body had taken over a month to disappear I’d never tried to tell anyone after that I spent as much time at school, at football practice, or at Kyle’s house as I could Anything to stay out of Dad’s way It suited him, since he’d never wanted kids in the first place I was a disappointment to him, he claimed Even when I made varsity my freshman year, I was a disappointment Even when I broke the district record for le season that same freshman year, I was a useless piece of shit I hadn’t beaten Dad’s record, and that was all that mattered

See, Dad had been All-State three years in a row during high school and then had gone on to play as a starting WR for Michigan State, and idely praised as one of the best players in college football He’d then been scouted by the Kansas City Chiefs, the Minnesota Vikings, and the New York Giants He’d torn his ACL his first ga injury He’d returned to his hoan and joined the police force as a bitter, angry man When the first Gulf War happened, he’d joined the Army and done two tours with the infantry, and had cos he’d seen and done

He liked to get drunk after work, and he’d tell me horror stories Unlike most combat vets I’d heard of, Dad liked to talk about his experiences Only with h, and only when he was at the bottom of a fifth He’d tell me about the buddies he’d seen shot, blown up by IEDs, hit by snipers and RPGs If I tried to leave, he’d lay into me Even drunk, Dad was formidable The ACL injury had ended his career as a professional wide receiver, but it hadn’tHe stood several inches taller than h the shoulders with thick biceps and corded forearms, his short-cropped salt-and-pepper hair beaded with sweat as he swayed in front of me He had quick, hard fists, and even drunk he was accurate He knehere to hit to cause the , which Dad encouraged He wanted me to be a man, a warrior Men don’t feel pain Men can run plays with bruised ribs and battered kidneys Men don’t cry Men don’t tell Men break records

Kyle knew all this—he understood it as much as anyone who didn’t live it could, and he never told

“Yeah, but I’in pain, so he’d gotten better at gauging how bad off I was “You sure? Coach wants to run tap-dance drills today”

“Shit,” I muttered

Tap-dance drills were usually run with the coach or the QB throwing a ball and the receiver practicing catching it near the sidelines, tap dancing to stay in bounds with one or both feet Coach liked to run these drills with full interference, so I’d learn to make the catch while a defender tried to stoptackled over and over again With already-bruised ribs, I’d be lucky if could walk off the field under my oer