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Chapter 1

Theo

“Theo Decker: Reluctant Rock Star”

That was the headline that accoazine that ca inrooine Ven, nostrils flaring, voice tight with anger: Lead singer standing in for the whole band again, awesome!

And that was before you even got to the photo, which was about fifty percent me

I pulled the lare at it and ain Ven, Coco, and Ethan hovered in the background, eclipsed by me My ar and I was gazing up at the camera in what had been an aard plea for the shoot to be over, but looked coy I cursedthe smarmy editor who’d assured me that of course all the band members would be featured equally

Reluctant rock star wasn’t precisely accurate More like, Rock Star Who Loves Perfor Famous More than He Ever Expected Only that didn’t make for a very snappy headline

I cast one last look in the dressing roo back at me wasn’t a rock star of any description It was a scared kid who’d gone fro about hie My black hair ild around ed in days of overlaid black eyeliner, just like they alere, lips bitten raw, as had becoht, per a little low on my hips, since I hadn’t been able to sto my arms look skinnier than they were, and my shoulders sharper

It wasn’t even a costume These were my own clothes, my own aesthetic, just as I used my real name Which made it feel even weirder to see it all turned into a persona Theo Decker: Reluctant Rock Star

I smeared on soe, hitchedaroundthe night Ethan had heard edMy voice was on its last legs, but this was the end of the tour, thank god, and I’d have time to rest it

I sed hard, pushing the sick feeling of alienation from the rest of Riven down into the pit of my stomach

“Okay, go,” I ordered Theo Decker in the h the door to join my band

Blinded by floodlights, shaky with exertion, and high on adrenaline, I closedIt had been a great set, the rest of the band coer at the cover, just like I knew they would They always did We were istic Nearly psychic

Coco plucked the first, haunting notes of “No More Tie ashed in eerie blue light They reverberated, striking like a gong in my chest Ven came in with the bass line, then Ethan counted in, and the rhythm went to double ti every last bit of energy out onto the stage

There was thischanged There was the before and the after; the quiet and the noise; the off and the on It was thethat I was out of -currented river, able to disgorge me

I’d written this song in about twenty minutes It had fallen intoin a dreaister to the top, and there was a e when the instruh the sudden silence like a wrecking ball

Tonight, since I kneas the last show of the tour, I sang it with everything I had left, let it pulloffcrowd

The crowd They thundered around me, their sto through me like blood These were the moments I lived for These were the moments that made every other miserable bit of fame worth it